Things aren’t the same anymore.

The days rolled by so quick that I couldn’t even realize that my hair had started turning grey already.

It was not an easy decision for me to make 16 years ago. Everything happens for a reason, people say. But I don’t believe in such a thing called fate or destiny. We are all destined to death if we exist already. Only that much about the so-called destiny I believed in, till now.

My mom nagged me like every day about getting me into marriage. It was obvious that she was worried that I aged so quick that half of my friends got married already. She would have been happy if had dated someone. She was more upset than me when I broke up with the man who I dated for three years.

When I got back home from work that day, mom was waiting for me in the home front. It was a signal that we were going to have a very serious discussion. I took a quick shower and went to sit with her with a cup of tea. My granny looked concerned as well.

“What’s your decision?,” mom asked me bluntly.

“About what?,” I questioned back.

“Been asking you about the marriage match I found you since long time, don’t you remember,” I sensed a trace of irritation in mom’s words.

“I need some more time,” I answered reluctantly.

“Aren’t you 26 already? How long will you take?,” mom raised her voice suddenly.

“I spoke to someone I know from my school days. I think I like him,” I said slowly.

“I don’t think he is a right match to you,” Mom snapped me immediately.

“How do you know?,” I glared at her questioningly.

“Isn’t he a man in the military?,” I questioned me back ga

When I met my husband, I was 24. Before marriage, on hearing that we were courting, our friends WoWed at us every time, saying that we were destined to be together. The truth was I was trying hard to get over with my ex-boyfriend then. I was the one who dumped my ex, though.

So obviously didn’t accept my husband’s proposal to court me as it happened suddenly. I even thought he was crazy to confess his love on the first phone call. He asked me to think for some time before turning down the proposal. We spoke on the phone for hours every day. The days went interestingly well, sharing our daily life experiences and about the past. He started growing on me slowly. Without my knowledge, I fell in love with him to my surprise. I started missing him when he went sailing, and his phone wasn’t reachable. His concern and care weren’t forced as he naturally displayed his emotions. I never felt pressured to be frank.

We talked on the phone at our convenience. His profession seemed interesting, but I often wondered if it would suit my wandering nature. I wanted to wander in the wilderness carefree all the time. He is a sailor who assured me that wilderness is not only covered with trees, mountain ranges but also along with the coastal towns and cities. I started dreaming of myself running along the beaches for the first time ever. I had been to a beach only thrice in my life, honestly.

After speaking on the phone for more than two weeks, we shared our curiosity to see each other’s photographs. All we knew was our childhood faces. We were super-curious about how we had grown into now. When I opened my mail, my heart raced for sure. Fluttered with happiness. He looked tall, handsome, and charming. I was confused if I was a suitable match to court him even. I eagerly waited for his mail. My pop-up notification said that I had received a new mail within a few minutes. My heart raced even faster than before now. ‘WOOWWW’ was the only word that caught my eyes. Holding myself together, I went down to see what he had written. “How have you grown into a beautiful woman?”

I wanted to speak to him immediately, but something stopped me from calling him. But nothing had prevented him from calling me. When I attended the call, my hello went down in the drain, my voice rarely came out to the surface. He kept speaking happily about how different I was from his imagination, this and that. I just went blank for some time, and when he said, “I want to see you now,” I cut the call.

My eyes were filled up with tears. I turned off my phone and cut off the internet. I knew it was unfair; still, I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t know how to communicate what exactly was going on in my head. I didn’t want to break his heart.

…to be continued.